Beer, Liquor and Wine For Your St. Louis Fourth of July
[State of the Dirt Cheap Union]
My Fellow Americans!
With great power comes great responsibility. As part of my duties as your elected leader in Fun, Fun and Commander-in-Cheap, I come to you with some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Oh, the bad news you say….
I’m happy you said that, I’ll start with the good news.
We are so blessed, with so much. And in my opinion, it’s hard to have too much of a good a thing…and by good thing I mean beer, liquor and wine. Now, let me be clear, I am an endorser of fun AND responsibility. So, drink…but only for one, if you know what I mean.
When buying your booze for the over the Fourth of July, bulk isn’t a bad thing, especially when you’ll be saving some Washington’s, Lincoln’s and Hamilton’s with Dirt Cheap’s case pricing deals! We have many of our “house” brand liquors like Importers Vodka, Potters Gin, Ranchero Tequila, Canadian Superior Whiskey, Mellow Bourbon, Queen Ann Scotch, Potters Rum and Sweet Cheeks available in case pricing. That gets you more bang for your buck, or booze for your buck. So smile, because that is good!
And as part of my “Fun Stimulus Fund,” I have priced all Bud products on the Cheap!!! My hope is that Joe the Plumber and his wife will exponentially double their fun with some ice cold Budweiser’s for $18.49, all while eliminating the national debt and improving education…no questions please on that last part.
And now to the bad. We are under attack from foreign forces. Just yesterday I was in Dirt Cheap and I saw tens of people buying FOREIGN LIQUOR!!! Shocking I know!!!
We need to take back this country!!! So in effort to do so I pulled some strings, and signed the Proclamation of Fun with the Sweds and had them create a limited, Party Edition Svedka bottle dedicated to good ole’ U.S of A.! And to make it even more American I’m selling it for only $18.99.
And the Germans. Oh the humanity. They think they can sell these giant Jagermeister tapper coolers in my store! Like any real American wants a cooler that cranks out Jager from a built-in tapper system hooked up to two bottles. And if that wasn’t enough there’s even space for four more Jager bottles and Red Bull in the cooler – seriously, how European can you be? I have the Jagermeister tapper cooler for $119.99.
In the interest of my Fun, Fun policy and the Fourth of July, make sure to party it up responsibly after stopping by Dirt Cheap. We have all the beer, wine, liquor you’ll need. And don’t forget about our party supplies. We’ve got stars and stripes plates and napkins for only $1! Now that’s American!
Your favorite party fowl,
The Dirt Cheap Chicken